Driving > Disco

We'll go ahead and chalk this up to "not going to be a running post title," or how about just "needs a new gimmicky post title?"



From last Friday's BSG mail bag column. Be it Conan or Bill Simmons, if you can turn anything into a "movie," and then name me a cast that is either funny because they look alike or (in this case) funny because of the situation you can envision Hollywood trying to force down our collective gullet, then dang it, I'm going to laugh. Oh yeah, forgot to mention that if you don't follow/like sports (nfl for this edition) this will probably make less than zero sense to you. Enjoy! (100% more music in my next post...promise)


Doesn't the Deion Branch/Tom Brady reunion feel like the plot of a romantic comedy? The way everyone's been talking about him, Branch would probably be played by Jennifer Aniston.
--Jeremy Z., Dorchester, Mass.

SG: I'd rather go younger and grab Katherine Heigl. She plays Branch; John Krasinski plays Brady; Megan Fox plays Moss; Aubrey Plaza plays Wes Welker; and Tim Allen plays Bill Belichick. The movie would definitely be called "Second Catch," and it would definitely end with Brady and Branch practicing timing patterns on a football field as the sun sets and some lame Feist song plays.

Congratulations to the men's national team and Landon Donovan!  This Saturday, June 26th, Team USA will get another taste of the knockout round, the first since 2002.  

Read that headline again and see if makes any more sense to you.

It didn't make any more sense to me either.  Golden Tate is a wide receiver for the Seattle Seahawks.  Apparently, he finds maple bars irresistible.

Per the ESPN article...

RENTON, Wash. -- Seahawks rookie wide receiver Golden Tate apologized Tuesday and said he was "very embarrassed" after police in suburban Seattle gave him a warning for trespassing into a gourmet doughnut shop at 3 a.m. last weekend.

The former Notre Dame star says it was a foolish mistake but that he is glad to have learned a valuable lesson without getting arrested.

Tate says a friend took a couple of maple bars from the shop, which is at the bottom of the building in which Tate lives.

He says "they are irresistible."

Seahawks coach Pete Carroll says he has talked to Tate, and agrees that maple bars can be irresistible.

The emphasis on that last sentence was all me.  I just wanted to call attention to the fact that, Pete Carroll, one of the highest paid football coaches in the NFL, talked to an impressionable rookie football player and, rather than suggest he not break into doughnut shops at 3am, he decided simply to agree that Tate's baked good of choice was indeed irresistible.  Ladies and gentlemen, your 2010 Seattle Seahawks!!

Ladies and gentlemen, the 2010 Zach Randolph.

39. Zach Randolph
Round of applause to Z-Bo for his historic vault from last year's "Worst 25 Contracts" list to No. 39 this year. If you need two points at the end of a tight game, and you could throw it inside to any low-post player, he's the pick this season. It's true. Maybe NBA head cases are like difficult Hollywood actors: pure hell in the early part of their careers, seemingly unable to escape their baggage, and then they mature just enough that their talent is allowed to flourish. Z-Bo's 2010 stats aren't any different than his 2004 stats, or even his 2009 stats, but HE seems different. More ... serene. No different than Rasheed Wallace that first Detroit spring, C-Webb upon arriving in Sacramento, Big Dog on the 2001 Bucks, Hakeem (yes, The Dream was a head case once upon a time) on the 1993 Rockets, Barkley on the 1993 Suns. Eventually, things calm down, they learn from past mistakes and talent wins out for a year or three. You hope. It happened for Z-Bo and Robert Downey Jr.; it didn't happen for Isaiah Rider and Tom Sizemore. You never know.

From a recent BSG column. Please disregard the point Simmons makes earlier about Thabeet being a "difficult choice" to leave off of the list. >=[ Let's hope Z-Bo goes more along the lines of Ironman, than, um, well insert your favorite (non Heat) related Tom Sizemore character reference here _____.

I know it's been a while since I've posted, but considering that a certain, "big game" is tomorrow, one whose name is very much trademarked, I figured it was as good a time as any to bring back an old, "regular" post. Ha, see what I did there?

So, Indianapolis Colts or New Orleans Saints...who ya got? The current line is Indianapolis by 5.5 and the over/under is 57.

The official, D > D pick is...

Colts. And, if I were the gambling type, I'd take the under.

I mean no disrespect to the Saints and I'm sure that it will be a good game, probably even a close game, but at this point, I don't know that anyone can outlast, outwit or outplay, one Peyton Manning (stupid Survivor commercial). They beat the surging Ravens and then everyone's favorite bandwagon pick of this year's playoffs, the J...E...T...S...JETS JETS JETS. I know they lost the chance at an undefeated season against the same Jets in week 16, then mailed in the regular season finale against the Bills, ending up 14-2. I was firmly in the "shoulda gone for 16-0 camp," but, if they win tomorrow, with better rested players from that two week span (and the first round bye that followed), then we'll all look like we aren't actually the nfl coaches we think we are.

I'm sure most people will think the D > D pick of Colts is merely Peyton Manning related, since he did go to the University of Tennessee, but I'm not really that big of a Colts fan. I was actually rooting for the Patriots throughout the season, so if I can root for the Colts, then I think anyone can. Either way, I think we are in for a good game!

This is from an old BSG column (10/23) but I really hate the Lakers and Simmons does too, which is just one more reason why I sometimes do debate about whether or not I should turn gay and go for him...but that's a post for another day.

There was no better place to put this, so here you go. Non-sports fans can go ahead and stop reading now:

3b. Khloe Kardashian
Raise your hand if you're excited about Khlomar! (Happily raising hand.) Look, I don't have much ammo for the teams I hate right now. The Colts have been ruined for me; Peyton Manning has become such a monolith of clutchness that I can't even toss grenades at him; if anything, I respect the hell out of him. The Yankees are pulling for each other, slamming shaving pies into faces and looking unbeatable; even worse, it's the kind of likable, quirky (albeit, expensive) team that the Red Sox once had before they dumped their front office, ignored human intuition, decided that "business-like" was better than "personable," and used complicated statistical engines to assemble their 2009 roster. (Wait, we didn't do that? It just seemed like it. Sorry.) So really, hating the hateable Lakers is all I have left.

And you know what else? It's fun to have teams that you hate. I hate Sasha Vujacic's hair. I hate the fact women like Luke Walton. I hate their uniforms. I hate when Pau Gasol gets excited and does that thing where he barks with his hands at his sides as his ugly beard drips sweat over everyone. I hate not being able to hate Derek Fisher. I love being able to hate Kobe, who has brought me more hateable joy than anyone else this decade. (But damn, is that guy good. I do respect him.) I hate Laker fans who show up for Clipper games and only start making noise when the Lakers go up double-digits. I hate the fact D.J. Mbenga has a publicist. I could go on and on.

I would hope that Lakers fans are OK with this. I would hope they hate the Celtics just as much, for reasons that are just as personal to them. That's what makes the rivalry great -- we hate them, they hate us, and somehow, the hatred is deepening, in a good way. After all, it's just sports. I don't REALLY hate anyone. (Well, except for Vujacic. If he was crossing the street on a crosswalk, I'd like to think that I wouldn't run him over, but I would definitely glance around to see how many people were looking before I made a final decision.) So that's what makes me so happy that the Lakers added not just the black sheep Kardashian sister, but …

3a. Ron Artest
… the looniest player in the history of the league! As they're defending a title! And even better, every Laker fan thinks he's an upgrade over Trevor Ariza! Really? That's what you think? You really think that?

(http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/part2/091023&sportCat=nba)

Yes, I did blatantly rip this off from a twitter user, but, to be fair, I know for 100% fact that the twitter user that I stole this from, stole it from someone before him (and that person from someone before him), so I really don't think there is any reason to: a. feel bad or b. cite any of those fools.

So, here goes. We live in a world where Plaxico Burress gets 2 years in prison for shooting himself in the leg on accident, while Donte Stallworth gets 30 days for running over a guy (killing him in the process) while drunk.

ESPN reports that ex-con Michael Vick has signed a 2 year deal with the Philadelphia Eagles. What other city would embrace such a social pariah than the city of brotherly love. Don't get me wrong, I'm a full believer in paying one's debt to society and the opportunity at a second (or more) chances, but something about this seems wrong.

On one hand, as Gregg Easterbrook has pointed out, Vick can be made out to be a victim of his environment, like any young, sports star, never having heard the word "no," and always getting whatever they want. He also touches on something close to home to a lot of us, the fact that many Americans have no problem with hunting for sport or the meat industry(scroll down to the Atlanta Falcons section), when both of these employ many of the same methods that Vick and other members of dog fighting rings use, only on a much larger scale.

On the other hand, you have Donte Stallworth, who commits DUI manslaughter, but is only suspended (albeit without pay) for 1 season. You cannot make me believe that any non sports star could commit DUI manslaughter and not only serve a mere 30 days in jail, but also not have any longer lasting repercussions than having to sit out there job for a year. Beyond that, as soon as Stallworth has missed this season, he will be right back on the field, making millions of dollars, whereas a non sports star, having been out of work for a year, would have that much more difficult of a time getting work.


http://www.nj.com/sports/ledger/needell/index.ssf/2009/08/needell_donte_stallworth_gets.html

Apparently, it's Rugby Sevens (a faster paced version of standard rugby) but golf will be a snoozefest no matter how you slice it (see what I did there?).

Also, ladies boxing (possibly foxy boxing, I need to do more research) has already been voted in for 2012 in London.

Again though, you have to read through the entire article, to get a juicy nugget like this: "In 2005, after voting to drop baseball and softball, IOC members rejected the five other sports put up for inclusion -- rugby, golf, karate, squash and roller sports. At that time, approval required a two-thirds majority." (my emphasis on roller sports) What does roller sports even entail? Straight up roller derby? Some sort of skating rink limbo? If I had a vote, I'd definitely put it for roller sports.

According to a report on ESPN.com, John Smoltz, who was trying to revitalize his career, following Tommy John surgery, with the Boston Red Sox has recently been designated to their Minor League system, in order to transition into a relief pitcher.

He has apparently rejected the designation, meaning the Sox can either trade him, or sever ties with him completely.

The part of this story that I found interesting, was the nugget about the club wanting Smoltz to "restructure a clause in his contract that allows him to make $35,000 for each day he is on the major league roster, above and beyond his base salary." I wish I had to argue with my employer over things like whether or not I could keep my +$35,000 a day contract bonus...

We knew it was coming, but before I could even get my authentic Jerry Stackhouse Grizzlies jersey in my cart on grizzlies.com, the veteran was waived.

It really makes you stop and think about what could have been...


If this was Jerry Stackhouse circa 2001, that is. So long sucker!

(the following is ripped from the headlines, law & order style. well, maybe not that important, but it was in Bill Simmons' latest Mailbag on ESPN's page 2)

Q: If you're an NBA GM, is Chris Wallace your Amazon Gold Box Deal? Pretty much any time of the day, you can go find something 25 percent cheaper than retail, and then every so often it's like ... WHAT!? A new Weber grill for $100!!? I need to get this!
-- Dan Groff, Lancaster, Pa.

SG: In fairness to Wallace, I thought he did a nice job of resisting dumb offers that wanted him to give away that No. 2 pick; instead, he just screwed up the pick and took the wrong guy. I think that's progress -- he's only screwing up his own team instead of affecting the manifest destiny of the entire league. I am proud of him. But if you were giving him a nickname, wouldn't it be "The Money Launderer?" Has any GM been a peripheral third or fourth party that facilitated more cap-unfriendly trades more times than Chris Wallace? I always picture other GMs calling him and asking, "Hey Chris, would you like to help out three teams that you're competing against for no real reason at all? (Listening.) You'd love to help? That's fantastic! Thank you!"

At least now I can rest a little easier, knowing that who we draft will never be relevant, as long as C-Dub is at the helm. Ahhhhhhh

Suck on that, Kobe. One Jerry West, who had something to do with the NBA I think, (it escapes me), recently had some nice words for a non-Laker. J-Dub stated that LBJ had the chance to "be arguably the greatest player ever to play the game," and "Even though it's hard for me to be objective, because I brought Kobe to Los Angeles, I do think LeBron has surpassed Kobe as a player."

That had to hurt a little, right?

Also, do I even have to add GO NUGGETS!!!

Howard Schultz, what do you get when you buy a city's NBA franchise just to make a couple of extra bucks, run it into the ground, whine about not making enough money quickly enough (uh, aren't you a billionaire already?) and then sell out the city's 41 years of NBA history, including their only professional sports championship?

You know what they say about payback, right?

I've always been a fan of the white chocolate mocha, but I gotta admit, seeing what he did to pro basketball in Seattle, I would'nt miss Starbucks one bit if they went out of business.

Have I mentioned lately how much I hate the university of florida gators? Congratulations Rebels. I don't like the University of Georgia either, but you can always count on them to lose a game or two, so I'm not nearly as worried about seeing them in January. Hopefully, UGA will beat florida and then someone else will beat UGA.

We all knew it was happening, I guess it just takes the "official" announcement to make it really sink in. Brett Favre, the face of the Packers, is now a New York Jet. As I mentioned before, I don't see this ending well for either side. Barring some sort of miracle, the Jets will be mediocre at best this year (I'd be surprised if they made the playoffs) and #4 will play a season or two before realizing he is too old. Then cue up the sentimental music as Brett signs a one day contract with Green Bay, in order to "retire as a Packer." NYJ gets a legendary QB that had a miracle season last year, but the team really did over achieve and make use of synergy. I don't see either any of the three of them (GB, NYJ or Brett Favre personally) having a good season.

As a side note, due to some "new math" on Blogger's part, my last post was not my 200th post. In fact, after counting the listed posts in the archives, I was left with 198. Whilst looking in the dashboard, I see 200, but 3 of those are unpublished drafts, which should leave me at 197. Confused yet? I am. Anywho, I think I'm going to go with the official archive count listed below and to the right. It only shows posted posts (novel idea) and it should ring me up at 199 today, counting this post. For those of you who were erroneously told to suck it yesterday, please forgive me. Though, this is your last chance: my next post will be #200. I think I shall make a big to do over it, since we haven't had one of those in a while.

Well, that was over quick. The Memphis Grizzlies and the Minnesota Timberwolves have agreed in principle to the following deal:

Memphis gets: O.J. Mayo, Marko Jaric, Greg Buckner and the corpse formerly known as Antoine Walker

Minny gets: Kevin Love, Mike Miller and the corpses formerly known as Brian Cardinal and Jason Collins.

I guess if you step back and look at it from the outside, we got the #3 pick from the #5 spot, although we did lose Mike Miller, one of the best pure shooters in the league. All in all, it feels a little like one of those .85 cents for a $1 trade, and to tell you the truth, I'm not sure what we ended up with. I can say this, Walker, Cardinal and Collins are all dead weight, so at least we were able to unload two stiffs in exchange for one. That does leave our roster with like 20 players though, so I'm sure some of these guys won't ever don their new teams' jerseys anyway.

Everyone keeps talk about Mayo's upside (although that upside managed to lose to Beasley's K-State team in the first round of the NCAA tourney last year and totally screw up my bracket). As I mentioned before, I think I liked K-Love, not for his "potential" but for what he brings to the table right now. Oh well. Good on ya, K-Love. Don't let those Minnesotans corrupt you.

Also, I liked this blurb from ESPN.com: "Wolves GM Kevin McHale was infatuated with Love, but felt that the team had to select Mayo and use him to acquire more assets." So, is he sending him directly to Boston in exchange for Sam Cassel, or will he wait a couple of months?

So, its NBA draft time again and surprise, surprise, the Grizzlies are there. Although they did stumble a couple of years ago (2003-2006) and break their streak of 8 straight playoff misses, we are now 44 wins, 120 losses and 2 years removed from that quasi-success (they are, afterall, 0 for 12 when it comes to the playoffs).

So without further ado, I present Who ya got? NBA Draft 2008 Edition. The Grizzlies are sitting at #5, and while a lot can change between now and 6pm CST tomorrow night, there are a couple of scenarios floating around the L right now. Here, in no particular order, are a couple of them.

1. Chicago/Miami takes Rose/Beasley, Minnesota takes a side of Mayo, Seattle goes for Brook Lopez and the Grizz take Kevin Love. I wasn't anywhere near sold on this deal about this time last week. While Love is good, I don't think he's worthy of the fifth pick in the draft. But, after a lot of research, I think what you see with Love is what you get. You're getting a big, who is capable of rebounding, playing some D, grabbing rebounds, blocking a shot or two with a decent shot and a suprise 3 pointer. I think this would qualify as you're not getting a Hall of Famer, but you could worse.

2. Chicago takes Rose, Miami takes Beasley, Minnesota gets some Love, Seattle goes for the Mayo and Memphis takes Gordon, Westbrook or Bayless, then wraps that pick up with Mike Conley and Mike Miller, in the ultimate .70 cents for a buck deal (lets just say we are not ending up with the buck) in exchange for Beasley and some corpse.

3. Rose, Beasley, Love and Mayo get got, and Memphis goes for Eric Gordon. From what I saw of him at IU, he was ok, but never seemed to be able to take over a game when it mattered most. Add that to the fact that he is a 6'3" shooting guard and you've left me thoroughly underwhelmed. He'd be an ok pick at #15 or #25...but #5...no thanks.

4. Rose, Beasley, Love and Mayo are gone, and Memphis, with only one shady Euro on the roster (none other than Marc gasol)[EDIT: How could I forget you, Darko?], goes for the biggest reach of a pick in recent memory, Danilo Gallanari. I'm not going to say that I think he is a bust...because I had not even heard of him as recently as LAST WEEK. A 6'9" small forward from Europe? What's not to like? Questionable shot selection? Check. In love with the 3 point shot? Check. Complete lack of defense? Check. Where do I sign up? NBA general managers see a name they can't pronounce and something in their brain translates it into "Dirk Nowitski." They are always ready to take a gamble on an unknown Euro because he might turn into someone that can what, barely get you to the finals once and lose? I guess the only upside to picking this dude (really any dude) here and not trading anyone is that you don't trade half the team in order to gamble on a rookie, or worse, cut cap space.

Well, I see that Jermaine O'Neal just got traded for T.J. Ford, so I guess all bets are off. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go put on my Gasol jersey (original black & teal colors), curl up in the fetal position in the corner of the closet and weep silently in the dark.

Congratulations Kevin Garnett (1995), Ray Allen (1996), and Paul Pierce (1998). Back in May 2007, after receiving the 5th pick in the NBA draft, I'm guessing most people in Boston figured it was another lost season. In June, trading the pick for Ray Allen and in July landing Kevin Garnett via a trade, the Celtics went "all in" for a shot at the NBA title, moves I too was critical of at the time. I think Tuesday nights win silenced all the critics.